For most neurodivergent professionals, the workplace is a landscape filled with hidden social traps. Often, it feels like everyone else has been briefed on the rules around “appropriate” or “acceptable” interactions, leaving you at a clear disadvantage.

If you’re one of those people who struggle to meet the expectations of others at your workplace, and the trial and error method has left you with more than a bruised ego and a less-than-desirable reputation among your coworkers, you’ll definitely want to check out this recap of our recent Office Hours Q&A: Relationship Building at Work for Neurodivergent Professionals. 

We invited Alexandra (Alex) Lioznov back to answer questions about relationship building in the workplace from a neurodivergent perspective. Check out the full recording at the bottom of this article, or keep reading for the recap highlights!

About the Experts

Veronica Yao is a career coach who specializes in supporting neurodivergent professionals in navigating their careers. She is also the owner of Atypical Careers. She says that the workplace is often not designed with neurodivergent individuals in mind, which compounds the daily challenges that her clients face. Veronica is passionate about helping her clients build sustainable work lives, break free from burnout, and advocate for themselves in their professional environments.

Joining her is guest expert Alexandra (Alex) Lioznov, a neurodiversity-affirming speech language pathologist and communication coach, as well as owner at Neurodiverse City Connection. Alex has dedicated her career to supporting neurodivergent adults, helping them improve their communication skills and navigate social challenges.

The Realities of Workplace Relationships

Before diving into the questions, Alex and Veronica set the tone with a strong statement:
 

Struggles with workplace relationships are rarely a personal failure — they’re often the result of unclear systems and mismatched expectations.

Many neurodivergent professionals are expected to “just know” how often to communicate, how much personal information to share, or when small talk becomes mandatory. And unfortunately, every time we don’t respond in a way that’s expected by others at work, it’s more likely that we’ll be labelled “difficult” or “weird” or “problematic”. 

This can be incredibly frustrating for neurodivergent professionals who put a great deal of effort into masking their behaviour at work, which ultimately leads to exhaustion and burnout. 

So remember, there is no such thing as “good” or “bad” communication styles. However, it’s important to consider what the expectations of your coworkers and managers are, so you can decide whether you want to meet their expectations or not

Managing Communication with Managers

One of the most common concerns raised during the Q&A was how to communicate with managers — especially around requesting clarifications or sending emails without feeling like you’re being “too much” or asking “too many questions”.

Alex suggests seeking clarity upfront by asking managers for explicit guidelines: what needs to be escalated, what can be handled independently, and when they want to be looped in. 

Veronica suggests proposing a solution upfront. For example, you might share a list of email types you plan to CC your manager on versus those you won’t, and ask them to confirm or adjust. This shifts the burden from mind-reading to mutual agreement — and shifts the role of the manager from coming up with a solution to reviewing and approving proposed concepts, which is a lot less of an ask and improves you chances of getting a positive response. 

Setting Boundaries with Talkative or Oversharing Coworkers

Q&A participants shared their experiences being the deliverer or the recipient of oversharing from colleagues. Alex says that it’s important to define and set your boundaries when it comes to what you are willing to share in the workplace. This also goes for what kind of social interactions you are willing to engage in, and to what extent.

For example, if you are dealing with a coworker who tends to share too much personal information with you, Alex recommends a gentle approach that is respectful while setting limits. Veronica goes on to suggest centering your own needs when establishing boundaries, rather than centering their behaviour (Ex: “I have a lot going on and I’d appreciate it if we could keep our conversations focused on work.”).

Remember, setting and enforcing boundaries doesn’t need to be confrontational - it’s possible to be firm while still validating them.

Building and Nurturing New Workplace Relationships

When it comes to workplace friendships, Alex emphasizes the importance of boundaries before things get personal. She encouraged asking yourself whether both parties can still maintain professionalism, give feedback, say no, and avoid favoritism — even if the friendship becomes strained.

Veronica suggests when building new relationships at work, starting with identifying “safe” people: colleagues you already interact with professionally and feel relatively comfortable around. From there, you can offer a small opening and see if they reciprocate. If they do, great — if not, no harm done. 

Starting and Exiting Conversations

Several attendees expressed anxiety about offending people when exiting conversations — or freezing when trying to start them.

Alex encouraged a mindset shift: prioritizing your own needs while staying polite is enough. You don’t need a perfect excuse. A simple, neutral line like, “Sorry, I need to go take care of something,” is sufficient.

To make social interactions easier in real time, Veronica recommended preparing in advance. Having three practiced phrases for starting conversations and three for exiting them can dramatically reduce in-the-moment stress and decision fatigue.

Watch the Full Office Hours Recording